What's Missing

I was told today by a 3 year old that my bible isn't very good. I couldn't figure out why, it has both black and red letters, my name is on the front, and it even has a bookmark attached to the spine. I guess he saw that I was confused as to why he would say such a thing because when I looked at him he gave me a very pitiful look and said, "It doesn't have PICTURES!!!" Oh well, so much for impressing the 3 year old class..I don't have pictures.

Last week, after our bible story, I told the Kindergarten class they could ask me any question they wanted. I wanted them to know that it is okay to not understand everything they are told and it is always good to ask about confusing things. After explaining to them how good it is to ask questions about the bible, I saw a few hands go up. I could not wait for the profound and thought provoking questions these kids would have. I went to my go to kid (the one who knows all the ins and outs of every story that is told) I knew he would have very deep questions. When I called on him, he looked at me and thought for a second, then he asked, "What is 100 plus 100 plus 10 plus another 10?" I answered 220, then my go to kid looked at his mom, who was helping, and she said, "She's right." My go to kid looked at me and said "Very good Mrs. Amber." I called another kid hoping that they would have something deep to ask so the whole class could be enlightened. Instead I got, "Do you know who my sister is?" That was the last kid I called on.

Oh well, at least I could answer their questions.

Bagel Belly

I have to say, you all have totally rocked my world. Thank you for sharing your "desert" stories with me and for encouraging me in my new blog. I am looking forward to where we will go over the next several posts. As some of you mentioned, the desert can be a real location or an emotional one, either way, the desert isn't always fun, but it is nice to know that you are not alone on the journey of refinement.

Gotee man, I did not publish your comment because it was very honest. I wasn't sure if you wanted it posted or if you were hoping I would keep it private. I did not want to do anything that would devalue the things you shared but I will say, "keep trukin' brotha" and may God bless you richly for your perseverance.

I've got lots of mushy stuff to share but I figure I will do it in small doses. I don't want yall to think we come here just to slop sugar on each other, so I thought I would give you a little nugget that I discovered last night while I was reading in Genesis.

There is a verse in chapter 2 that mentions Adam and Eve being naked but not being ashamed (which is important because the first thing they did after eating the fruit was realize they were naked and hid) however that is not the point I am trying to focus on....what struck me was that it really must have been paradise if they could stand there naked and not laugh or be embarrassed...too bad we only get to chapter three before it all changes. Ladies, for a short while, there was no cellulite, or muffin tops, or bagel belly (that is when you mush your belly fat together with your hands around your belly button...try it, it looks like a bagel...or a butt). One bite and it all came undone. Praise God he made a way to right it....plus He had someone invent spanx and elastic waist lines.

-Amber

Just for thought....have you discovered anything new this week? I would love to hear about it...funny or mushy, it is all good.

(PS- I have corrected some spelling errors, thanks to a friendly blog tipper...however, if people spend too much time checking my spelling, they won't have anytime left for themselves. Oh well, I may not be able to spell but I can get wicked height on my hair.)

Joy in the Desert

I decided to name my new blog "Joy in the Desert" because that has been something I have looked for ever since I moved here. I found lots of things when we got to this hot western desert. I found that the hard water here has destroyed my once bouncy and curly hair and if I hold the blow dryer to close to it...well...it can catch on fire. I found that when it comes to men shopping for groceries, driving, mowing, or walking...shirts are optional (yikes a doodle!). I found it is always easy to be thankful when things go your way, but the minute they start to crumble is when your true heart shows. I found that my real heart is not unlike that of a five year old girl who cries because she didn't get the My Little Pony she wanted. Lordy, did I have a temper tantrum when we moved here. Talk about weeping and gnashing of teeth. You know it is bad when you are in Wal-mart and you're pretty sure you are the least sane person there. Crying in the bread aisle...now that just isn't right. I am happy to report that is not how I roll these days. Yeah, I am still crazy and I still have to be careful with the blow dryer, but I don't cry like I used to and the reason is...I have finally found joy in the desert.

Coming to a place of joy did not happen over night, even if it appears that way. It is not like I woke up and decided that I was all better. It happened slowly and quietly. I started praying...really praying again and I started studying...really studying again, then everything started to fall into place. Joel 2:25 says, "I will restore the years the locusts have eaten". That is what happened, I prayed and studied and my heart really was desperate to return to the place it had once been and God was faithful to restore it.

Vocal Skillz

Have you ever gone to church and during the praise and worship realized that all of the sudden you have an amazing voice? Even though you know that Monday through Saturday you couldn't hit a note to save your life, but for some reason on Sunday...this Sunday, it's like your voice has an anointing on it. As the music plays and the more you hear how beautiful your voice sounds, you start to sing louder and louder...not just to bless the people around you but to drown out whoever the horrible singer is next to you. And maybe after about 4 songs you realize that you're not the one that has the beautiful voice, it's the girl standing next to you and you're the one who can't sing, that you don't have a sudden anointing after all and the girl next to you has been trying to drown you out but because you thought you were the song bird you just kept getting louder making her job harder. Has that ever happened to you?

Me neither.

Pride Comes Before a Fall

One Sunday, when Big Daddy and I had just begun attending the church we now go to regularly, we were visiting the young marrieds Sunday school class. Because we had been teachers at our old church in CT and had been very involved, I wanted to make sure that people we met understood that Big D and I were not new to the bible...(it's a pride thing, I know). Anyway, the young marrieds class had been learning the differences between men and women and how they can effect a marriage. To help the couples remember that they each had different needs, a word was given and each letter in that word represented a need. So lets say the word was "love", 'l' might stand for "loyalty".

After the lesson they divided up the couples and sort of gave a pop quiz on what the letters meant. I got super psyched. I knew this would be our time to shine and impress people with our mad bible skills. Heck, I had even taken notes, I knew I would have whatever answer they needed. When asked what the letter 'R' stood for concerning men, I quickly shouted "RESPECT!" I was very proud of myself. I just knew we were going to get asked to teach our own class soon and people would begin wondering how they manged so long without our help. I knew that if Big Daddy answered a question we would blow everyone away. After all, he is a lot smarter than me and I knew he had to have the right answer. Then when they turned and asked the men what the letter 'E' stood for concerning women, I saw Big D's hand shoot into the air...yesssss, it would be over soon, soon we would be the smartest couple in the class....with a burst of enthusiasm and pride I heard him shout "EXORCISM!" Yeah, he said that the letter 'E' stood for exorcism when it comes to the needs of women. Yep! Pride always comes before a fall!!!!

Deserted in the Desert

I posted this on my I'm No Belle blog at the beginning of 2008. I wanted to post it again on this blog to give a little background on my life in the desert. Even reading it now, I can't help but think "Sheeze I can't believe I acted like that when we got here!" Praise God, He grows us up.


I love this picture. It is not something you would see in a gallery or even on a wall in someone's home, but for me, it is my favorite picture Big Daddy has taken. I know it is not captivating or special to look at; it only has significance for me. You see, this picture perfectly captures what the year 2007 has meant to me. I have often described 2007 as the "winter of my discontent". It seemed as though everything that made me feel wonderful and fabulous was ripped away from me this year.

In 2006 had friends, wonderful friends who though I could do anything. I had a home that I loved. It wasn't a house, it was a home in every sense of the word. It was a place that made me feel safe, it brought peace and joy. I loved my church and the people in it, they were like my family away from family. I could have stayed in Connecticut forever. I had been given a great life there. I knew it was temporary. I knew that someday, the Navy would have us move, but I never knew how hard it would be.

The life that I had come to love, the people, the places, the feelings, they were all fleeting. In October of 2006, Big Daddy got orders to Idaho. I was shocked. We had been promised another 3 years in Connecticut. I had in no way prepared to leave so soon. I laid on the couch for three days and cried. Luckily, Big Daddy was at sea when we got the news, so he couldn't see my pain. I had prayed and prayed that God would allow us to stay there and when I found out that we would be moving, I was angry. Why would He do this to me? He knew how much I loved Connecticut. He knew that I finally had a place that made me feel comfortable in every aspect. He knew that I involved in my church. He knew that I had friends there. He knew it would hurt me to leave. Why? Why did He take it away?

I suppose it sounds silly to be upset over such "small" things. It is not like a death or being stricken with an illness. After all, I could still talk to my friends, I could find a new church, and we would have a new place to live. The pain was a result of having to say goodbye to something I had never had before. While I have a great family, and grew up with great friends, I never had a home. I had always lived in my step mom's house, and she made it very clear that it belonged to her. I wasn't lead to believe that I was brilliant, or fabulous, or funny the way I was in Connecticut. The hold she had was strong and even though I had been to college and had lived in South Carolina for a year, it wasn't until we moved to Connecticut that I was freed from the baggage that "her house" brought. Having to leave the people and place that seemed to erase all the insecurities and pain that I had carried for so long, terrified me...it made me angry. To me, saying goodbye to those things wasn't so "small".

Finally, after three days of crying, I picked myself up off the couch and started to prepare for the bible study I would be leading. Even though we were studying in Romans, the lesson had me go back to Genesis. The entire time I had been crying, I had been begging to stay in Connecticut. I believed that if God wanted us to stay, the Navy couldn't make us leave. I turned to the refrence in Genesis,

"Leave your country, your relatives, your house, and go to the land I will show you."

I knew right then that we were going to leave. We couldn't stay. It was God's doing. Slowly, we began preparing to move. I continued to cry and struggle with the the thought of leaving, but I now had the confidence that it was God's will. Over the next few months, things started falling into place, confirming that we were doing the right thing. Big Daddy's Captain and a few other higher-ups had offered to help us have his orders changed, but we were both sure that was God's plan for us to leave. We didn't know why, but we didn't have to know, we just had to obey.

I began to fantasize that life in Idaho would bring us much more joy. I couldn't imagin God having us leave a place of peace, only to send us to a place of struggle or suffering. Somehow I even began to look forward to relocating. I just knew that we were going to be rewarded greatly for our obedience. I couldn't think of having a place that I loved more than Connecticut, or friends that were as fabulous as the ones I had there, but I was confident that God wouldn't take those things away, without having something better for me. However, when we arrived, it was a different story.

Idaho did not throw us a parade as we entered. Neighbors did not pound on our door begging us to be their friends. The house we moved into do not become a home. Where was it? Where was the good, the reward, the better? I was back on the couch crying. It didn't last three days...this time it went on for two weeks. I tried to hide it whenever I would talk to friends or family. When they would ask me if I liked Idaho, I would say things like, "Oh the mountains are beautiful." I wouldn't get specific, I didn't want them to see the pain...the weakness. I hadn't even told God how disappointed I was...I didn't tell Him anything. I wasn't speaking to Him. He had made me move and He had caused the suffering.

Despite my anger, Big Daddy and I tried to find a church. I knew my suffering would be temporary and I knew that someday, I would want to be involved in church again, so I went along with Big Daddy. The idea that we had once taught children or that I lead a bible study discussion group, seem so far away, like it had been a different person doing those things. It was all I could do to not sob through the entire service. I felt abandoned. I felt like I had been obedient and had been thrown to the wolves as a reward. The baggage that I had left behind 4 years earlier, came back to haunt me. How could God cause me to suffer?

I don't know when the change took place. I can't point at a specific day or incident that my thought process began to change. I just remember deciding that even though I was mad, I still believed. I believed that God was God, when I am happy and when I am hurting, He is still God. Finally, I said to Him, "I don't doubt who you are, or that you love me. I just hurt and...I don't want to talk to you right now. I'll get there but its not now." In an instant I felt a wave of peace rush over me. It was as if He was saying, "I know and it is alright." Slowly, over time, I began saying more things to Him. I still hurt and I was still confused why He had us leave the home I had come to love but at least I could recognize that had not left me.

So when I look at this picture, I see where I was; at the bottom of the mountain. In a place of hurt and doubt. I also see where I am; half way there. No, I am not at the top. I haven't reach my destination, but I am almost there. I've got further to go, but I have already had a major victory; I can say with joy and confidence, that my faith is real. It doesn't depend on my happiness or the circumstances that surround me, I BELIEVE! When things are good and when they are bad, I BELIEVE! Where is God in this picture? He is not at the bottom or somewhere out of reach. He is not at the top taunting me or pointing out how far I have left to go. He is right there next to me, showing me how far I have come, and telling me that He will help me the rest of the way.

Why did God have me move? If it was only to show me that my faith is real, it was worth it.

Honk for Jesus

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Well, I think it is time I told you that there is something I love more than a surprise onion ring in my order of fries, something that fills me with more wall licking excitement a than a phone call from Big D telling me he is on his way home... and that thing...or person I should say, is Jesus. Yup, I love Jesus, I do. If I had a tambourine I'd shake it and run up and down the highway yelling, "HONK FOR JESUS!!!" Since I don't have tambourine, I can't do it...and also because I don't want to get hit by a car! Yeah, I'm a fan of Jesus; that is just how I roll. I know, I say things like "nipple" and "fart" and maybe I use terms like "bagel belly" but the truth is, I am all about God. Oh sure, I am human, I do mess up. I am not one of those people who think I can do whatever I want Monday through Saturday as long as I get right with Jesus on Sunday. The truth is, I try to what I am supposed to do daily, I mess up daily, but God is good to forgive me daily.

There are a lot of people in the world who say that Christian's are close minded, judgmental, hypocrites, well, the bad news is we all (Christian and Non-Christian) are like that to some extent, and in my opinion, there isn't a better place for people who are hypocrites than church. Listen, I know that there are many kooky denominations out there who like to bring out rattle snakes and dance around them to prove their faith. I know a lot of hate has been done in the name of God. It seems like Christians, the ones who claim God's mercy and grace, can sometimes be quick to not show the same mercy to others in need, but the truth is there are a those of us who truly want to be a light in a dark world, who want to show love and want to show that you can love God and still have a sense of humor. I KNOW God has sense of humor, if He didn't He wouldn't have given toots a sound or made them smell.

Now, I'm not saying I am always full of light, love and mercy. Sometimes, I can be mean, vengeful, and full of anger BUT I do know where to go when those feelings are more than I can stand. I take them to my God and try, with His help, to mend my feelings and any relationship I may have shattered in my rebellious heart. I have a lot of friends who are Christians. We don't always agree on everything but the important stuff is there. I even have friends who are not Christians, who think that it is a little far fetched of an idea, but I love them and I don't think they have any less value as a human being just because they don't believe like I do. Sure, I wish they believed like me. What kind of friend would I be if I believed that I might one day get to go to Heaven and see Jesus and never hurt or suffer again, and not care if they never got that? I think I would be a suckie friend. What kind of Christian would I be, if I didn't believe fully in the Bible? I would be a suckie Christian. Just to be clear, I don't think believing the bible as the true word of God means I should kill my neighbor for "eyeballing my donkey". The bible is a big-o-book that I will never fully understand, but thankfully I learn more and more everyday, and one day I will have all my questions answered.

Okay, well I could go on and on about Jesus, the Bible, and how I really wish I had enough rhythm to shake a mean tambourine, but I won't. I'm trying to cut my posting time down so I will have more time for Big Daddy, and of course, learning more about why donkeys were so important in the Bible, so I will leave it at that.

One more thing, I know that there are many people in blog land who don't get the Jesus thing but I also know that there are some folks out there who are having a tough time right now so I wanted to share this clip (click on the first screen).

Bidet to you all!